Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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