More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
