don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
