the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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