Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
