Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
