While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
you had me at cake vodka
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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