But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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