ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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