mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
