I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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