He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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