I could have mohawked her pubes.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
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The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
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i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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