aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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