I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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