you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
