Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
