i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
