Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
