Too much gin, very little bucket
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
