someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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