awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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