I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
