i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
