When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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