Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
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This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Watching her eat just hurts me
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No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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