If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
