Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
