I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
