i think my tv is drunk
farters have to be the big spoon...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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