8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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