Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
