what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
