They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
