If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
