it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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