I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
