I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
