i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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