ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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