There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
