is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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