i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
