Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
