I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
