you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
