all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
