Got a toothbrush?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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