Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
