dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
