I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Pants are for mortals
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
