yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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