Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
