Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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