Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
