so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
