do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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