winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
