I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
