Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
