Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
i've created a new STD.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
