What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I enjoy the company of your penis
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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