I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
