You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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