I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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