she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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