he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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