You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
