I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
