Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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