Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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