You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
