He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
