We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.