Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
