He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
