The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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