May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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