one word: firstdatebathroomanal
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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