Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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