Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
