i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Im just a social blackout drinker.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
